Those days

Everyone has those days.
Those days when the alarm goes off and climbing out of bed feels like climbing Everest.
Those days when the simplest of tasks, like pouring a bowl of cereal, feels like an impossibility.
When it feels like you'll never smile again.
Or maybe cry forever.
The days when you wonder what the point is.
When eternal sleep is preferable to a life of misery.

But you don't give in.
You climb Everest.
Complete the impossible tasks.
Plaster on a smile and fake your way through the day.
You chatter cheerfully with customers.
Laugh and joke with your coworkers.
And every unkind word feels like a stab to your heart.
But you never let anyone know how you really feel.

No one sees the hairline cracks forming in your façade.
No one sees the swallowed sobs.
The blinked-back tears.
Or the scars, physical and mental, that you keep hidden.
Your grit and determination to seem normal pushing them down.
Making everyone think you're happy, bubbly even.
And all the while you're dying inside.

You return from your work feeling relief.
Another day over, another round completed in the boxing ring of life.
You may celebrate your triumph.
You may share your elation with your loved ones.
Tomorrow may be different.
Tomorrow you may feel fine.
Because everyone has those days, right?

But for some it's different.
Those days aren't those days.
They're every day.
And when they come home they may not celebrate a job well done.
They may cry for hours, hurt themselves or simply stare blankly into space waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Or agonise over that rude customer or colleague and question if it was their fault.
Spiralling deeper into the cycle of those days.

That guy who served your coffee this morning?
He throws up every meal because once you called him fat.
That girl serving your dinner in your favourite restaurant?
Cuts herself because you complained she was too slow, when she was short-staffed and working a double shift.
That lady who measured your kid's feet?
Drinks a litre of vodka every night because you wouldn't stop your child kicking her in the face.
The list is endless.

But you'd never know.
Because they want you to like them.
They want you to be happy with them.
Giving an Oscar-winning performance every day.
They paint their masks each morning, hoping today will be better.
Knowing it won't.
Knowing that each day they will feel the same.
Because they can't help how they feel.

So spare a thought for those who suffer.
A smile is free, and we're all beggars.